lyrics and trying to paste it into my life. If I heard rappers slate women, I was slating women. If rappers spoke about making money I wanted to and if they spoke about smoking weed and getting high, that was also something I wanted to do. Even though I knew my dad and I was living with a step dad, hip-hop was my father figure. Just before I turned 15 I began to try my first joints and became addicted and was on and off until the age of 16 and almost every lunch breaks and after college I was having a hit of weed. Then I became disrespectful to everyone around me, I just didn't care. I was getting thrown out of home because of constant fighting with my mum, and I was bringing different girls home and I didn't care who was around even if it was my little sister. When I turned 19, my relationship with my mum had completely broken down, and I was officially thrown out of the house but luckily I was on my way to Luton, for university. Now when I touched Luton I felt I was living the best life ever as I was seeing more girls going to more raves coming home whenever I wanted, sleeping at different girls houses I had the option of basically doing what I wanted. But in the midst of all this so called "fun" I met a pastor named Steve Gabriel and he explained to me who Jesus was, why he died and what our lives represent with out Christ, and he told me about hell and all though I was convicted I still didn’t get saved I thought my “good” behavior was enough and when I asked friends if I would go to hell they obviously said "of course not, your fine", so I took that on board. But within a year and half I felt my life turn upside down, as I’m seeing more girls, I feel more empty. The more I get high, the more I get low again and I meet a girl within this year and a half and I treat her like no other girl, I vocally abused her (tell her she's ugly, worth nothing etc) and all she does is buy me gifts in return. So im like “man I can't lose her all I have to do is ask and I get.” But as time went on with this girl I felt empty like a car out of petrol. So I broke off with her and tried to look else were and found nothing. So I get back with the same girl and as we start to get serious I start feeling as if theirs is something spiritual missing and as I’m watching a testimony by a wrestler Shawn Michaels, the way he described getting saved was so powerful, I knew a relationship with God, was missing. So without looking for a church or anything I went to film a play as I was into filming and the play was called ransom, and all though I didn’t finish watching the play when it was performed I had to edit it and as I was watching it the message was becoming more clear. So I went to the church that hosted the play to my surprise up came Pastor Steve Gabriel that witnessed to me the year and half ago to announce the service, then I was I was like "yea this is were I’m supposed to be.” And to be honest with that February 08 the addictions I used have are now dead and gone, I no longer feel the need to get high, I no longer need sexual pleasure to be satisfied, even my the relationship with my mum is even better than what it was before and that’s because Jesus has filled the void that was missing for so long in my life. |